My friend Amanda is serving the Lord in Brazil as a Kindergarten teacher. She is inspiring, to say the least, but her last blog caught my attention. She talked about her struggles right now while she's there. She might be one of the most transparent people I know with her struggles, too. You think of missionaries having struggles but somehow having this "extra" Holy Spirit protection against anything that could make things difficult. I don't know why I think that because nowhere in the scripture do the apostles have that. They struggled in their work, albeit with joy, but there was struggle. Amanda's struggle is with feeling dependent. Dependent on her translators for taking there time while in service to help her understand Portuguese. She wants them to not miss out on the service. Then she admits she just has a dependent issue because she is pretty independent. What a "real" thing to say. Exposing not only her struggle, but all of our nature. She wants to know what it is to fully depend on God. To have joy in that. Man, don't we all. I wanted to give her these pearls that would make this struggle easy, but I didn't have them. You see, I too know what that is. I find myself being dependent on so many things that don't help, don't solve, don't comfort, don't bring everlasting joy. No, I too like Amanda have a need to be independent. If I'm that then I don't have to be accountable. I don't look vulnerable. I don't need anything. I just can be and folks, being who i want to be is often the thing I need to fight. I pray for Amanda that she discerns the help of others in Brazil as her dependency on God in times of need.
Acting in our own self can lead to a mess, even with good intention. She inspires me to teach. She inspires me to be more like Christ. She inspires me to be dependent on the only thing worth having a dependent relationship with. I can't wait for Christmas to see her, my "family", and share in the joy of her serving. Amanda, don't grow weary in well doing, for in due season, we shall reap if we faint not. Dr. York just sent that to me and it was timely for you, too. I'm proud of you in the Lord...
Are you dependent? Seeking dependency on Christ? Trust me, breaking the ties of dependency is incredibly hard when that "thing" is not Christ. I need to keep learning that in my life. Be independent of this world and totally dependent on the one who holds your future and wants to see your good.
Love Ya'll
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Confessions of a missionary friend
Posted by jenn at 11:06 PM
Labels: Brazil, dependency, missionaries
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4 comments:
I can relate in a lot of ways to this right now. I'm about to move out on my own, and I've never been the "independent" type. I'm nervous because I don't like being alone and I keep going back and forth in my head like "What in the world are you THINKING?!" and "This is going to ROCK!" (trying to stay more in the latter mindframe). But I think this time will really give me the opportunity to cling to the only one (other than little Dashy-doodle) who will be there with me all the time. Thanks for sharing this, friend. :)
...this is my favorite jenn-blog. ever.
well, dang, i thought this blog was going to be one of those lighthearted, sarcastic blogs and here you have me thinking after a full day of work....that's not healthy for me! nice blog, though, i enjoyed it thoroughly.
ps-my dependency on you is waning...i had an activity all planned for math today but no jennifer. darn you, mrs. winebarger!
:) thanks for your comments and for the encouraging blog. :) the truth is hard. your blog encouraged me to share my struggle with "complaining" for my round of staff devotions this morning. as i passed around the little papers with the verses I was going to use-people were like "oh, no" and i was like..ah oh...i've pinched a nerve. but it turned out to be kind of cool-several people shared and it kind of reminded me of derek webb's house show where he talks about admiting sin and then maybe others will come out of their hiding and admit theirs as well. i almost didn't do this topic-i skirted around it for days.....but God made me.
anyway-looks like you're kicking absolute butt at school. so proud of you! and-i love the martin family dramatizations you post on here...it makes me feel like i'm on the farm. tell the girls that i'm ready to wrestle the spoons away AGAIN this new year.... fo' sho' love ya'll
and--remember where our "homeland" is. Hebrews 11:13-16
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